Birth and Breastfeeding
Okay. So. Not to start with anything that is controversial at all. hahahaha.
Childbirth
I'm a big old advocate of women knowing their options in childbirth. And then making decisions based on that knowledge and on knowing themselves.
I'll tell you my story (don't worry, it won't get gory). Once upon a time I thought I would absolutely, no question have an epidural. Why go through all that pain?! And I am a huge ass wimp when it comes to pain. Yesterday I cried cos I stubbed my toe. And labor/childbirth is like the most painful thing in.the.whole.wide.world, right?! I can't do that. This opinion started to change slowly when a post-doc I knew told me about her birth (just the one at the time, now she has two kids) and how she managed the pain and had a drug-free birth. Simultaneously, I started noticing how many people I knew were having c-sections. And I thought, huh, what's going on.
So then we were trying to get pregnant and I didn't have an OB-GYN (well, I did, but I did not like her at all). I was trying to do a little research to find an OB that I did like but it was rather daunting. While looking at websites for our local hospitals it turned out that I could have a midwife. And I was all like wha? huh? You can have a midwife?
Then I bought a couple of books ... I forget who recommended them to me. But one was Sheila Kitzinger's book, The Complete Book of Pregnancy and Childbirth. And I learned a lot about natural childbirth and the various kinds of medical interventions that routinely take place during modern labor and delivery. I had to read it again once I was actually pregnant. I made Eric read it (he liked it although at least one Amazon reviewer claims the book is anti-men and anti-doctor, both criticisms that I did not find to be true). I also read Henci Goer's The Thinking Woman's Guide to Childbirth. Again, this book has a natural childbirth perspective. But it also has lots of discussion of the medical literature, talks about what the evidence is supporting the use of various tools of modern obstetrics. What a concept... Those were the only two books I read. Oh, wait, that's not true I also read the hypnobirthing book for the class we took. But that didn't have much general information in it that I didn't already know. Our midwife told me not to read What to Expect When You Are Expecting as she feels that there's too much scare-mongering going on. I'd heard it was rather condescending in its tone, anyway, so I skipped it.
I also watched The Business of Being Born, a movie by Ricki Lake and co. It's a good movie, has interesting information. Of course, it does have its own bias-- it's very pro-home birth. But for anyone who is the least bit interested in birth, home birth, knowing more about modern birth practices in the US, you should watch it. Eric really liked it too. And not just because they had a Monty Python excerpt ("the machine that goes bing!").
I really like the idea of home birth, just not in MY home! hahahah. Ultimately we decided to have our birth at a hospital that is fairly progressive in terms of promoting natural/intervention-free birth and that has a low c-section rate. I had a little more intervention than I was hoping for in our birth. But you know, shit happens. Sometimes literally in labor (oh wait, I said I wasn't getting gory. Oh well, it didn't literally happen to me. Except about an hour after Thalia's birth, she pooped all over me. So funny and sweet. The nurses were gobsmacked at how much she pooped!). Women should have the birth they want. They should also feel empowered enough to do the research, make informed decisions. Have an epidural (or insert other medical intervention here) but know the possible side-effects, what it can and cannot do, etc.
Oh and we had a birth doula. This is one thing I will tell everyone I know to have, regardless of what kind of birth you want. Even if you are having a home-birth with a couple of midwives. Doulas help so much. The research shows that intervention rates go down when doulas are present. Our doula, Rebecca, helped us so much. She offered all kinds of different comfort measures (and I was in active labor for 40 hours...so you know, she went through lots and lots of suggestions!), gave me support, allowed Eric to sleep for awhile, supported Eric so he could support me, walked up and down stairs with me, walked the halls endlessly, held my hand, reminded me that when I was in transition it was okay to cry, taught us a bunch about labor and birth before that, answered my phone calls- before, during labor, and even months after the birth! She was present for I think about 30 hours of labor and delivery. I would never give birth without a doula. Many birth doulas belong to/are certified by DONA, if you find one who isn't, just ask why not. There are also post-partum doulas. We had one of those too! So great. (Note: Classics nerds: try to forget that doula means slave in Greek.)
So yeah, have the birth you want. Know what you want. Have a doula. Then be ready for birth to take its own course. You get a baby at the end. It's pretty cool. And if you have emotional trauma from the birth, address it. There are workshops, therapists who deal with this kind of stuff, there are groups who will help.
Breastfeeding
Okay, yeah, it's good for the baby and the mama. Can we just start there? Not have to go through all the reasons why? Cos I find that kind of boring. I know that lots of people cannot or do not want to breastfeed, and I think that's fine. Lots of healthy, happy adults were formula-fed. Again, I'll just share my story.
I knew I wanted to breastfeed. But Thalia was quite reluctant. I dunno, she didn't much like the taste of colostrum or who knows what. I kept persevering, and eventually we got it figured out. Meanwhile, she had lost a whole bunch of weight. Which the medical establishment is not too crazy about. So we did some supplementing with an SNS system. Which allows the baby to get formula while simultaneously breastfeeding. This worked well and we only did it for a couple of days and then my milk finally came in.
God, those first days were really tough though. Thalia used to fall asleep so easily...she would nurse and fall asleep and we'd have to wake her up to get her to nurse some more. It's really hard, waking up a baby who wants to sleep. I probably wouldn't do that again. It was hard to get all set up every time she wanted to nurse. I found it awkward. I was stubborn. It was exhausting. I was hungry all the time. I would cry cos it was so hard, especially in the middle of the night. As a newborn (ie first six weeks or so) nursed all the time in the evenings, this is called cluster nursing. But it meant that she was attached to my breast for hours in the evening. I would get over-stimulated and sore breasts. I felt like a cow. I cried. I got over-engorged at night. It hurt. I cried (I *said* I was a wimp about pain). Eric reminded me that I could just quit at six months (actually I am sure he would have supported me if I had decided to stop right then and there at the beginning). My stubborn nature won out.
A couple of months in I was having lots of nipple pain. I called a local leader of La Leche League. I suspected thrush. Well, no. Thalia's latch was just not that great, so we worked on it again, latch got better, I got really good, supportive nursing bras (at Nordstrom's - they are the best at Nordstrom's worth every damn last penny), pain went away. A few months later Thalia started biting me. She caused a few bleeding wounds. That made me cry a lot. I walked around with aloe leaves stuffed in my bra and practically mainlining the advil. One week when Thalia was about 8 months old I pumped a lot cos she bit me every time (she was teething, and didn't know what to do with those teeth, I think) she nursed. I wanted to die. But did I mention I was stubborn?
I'm still nursing Thalia. No plans to stop anytime soon. We will wean when she and/or I are ready. Now this may be depressing, but I feel like just in the last six months have I gotten really good at this whole nursing thing. But sheesh, I feel like a pro. Thalia's really good at it too. The breastfeeding relationship, it's constantly changing and evolving.
Resources:
My favorite breastfeeding advocate is Jack Newman. His book The Ultimate Breastfeeding Book of Answers is great.
La Leche League. Really, really, really great people. They are not breastfeeding nazis. Don't believe the hype. I've talked to my leader twice, extensively, on the phone. So great. So supportive. So knowledgable. Not medical advice, but still.
Kellymom. There is a TON of information on this site. It's awesome.
Random other tidbits:
*I read while nursing. Or watch TV. I can't just sit there and bliss out like some people can. My brain needs entertained, even when I was sleep deprived and she was a tiny baby. My kindle has been a godsend for this.
*I drink alcoholic beverages. I don't "pump and dump." I don't get drunk. See Jack Newman.
*Boppy's are the BEST. I have one downstairs and one upstairs. Plus lots of pillows.
*I nurse in public. I don't cover up, although I did at first. No one has ever said boo. If they did, I'd bite their damn head off. Then tell them to eat their lunch with a napkin over their head. If they still had one.
posted by Daniela @ 5:58 PM
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